Future Joy From Past Fumblings


When the time comes, be sure that your philosophies, faith, and style are the same. This reduces confusion, increases hopefulness and allows for better communication.

Philosophy refers to your way of being and thinking, the essentials of who you are. Like enjoying learning, adventures, exploring, trying new things, and belief in God/ happiness are the same; not in interest but in willingness. Even more so and less trivial, philosophy refers to  what you base your core principles on, why, and the influences that drives you. This is not required to be the same but to mesh, be acceptable to each other without judgement. By this foundation it allows for compromise not of core values but in your ability to understand, communicate and accept each other. In addition, make sure your belief about trust and love are similar, so to prevent misunderstandings and over explaining because you both are safe to compromise. This is also requires faith.

Faith not only refers to spirituality but your ability to believe and maintain hope regardless of what you are experiencing. This must be the same. When referring to things like being “equally yoked” or mated this is a key role in happiness. Everything can fail around you but if you both have the same faith you will never feel it or fail. You will be bonded and able to trust and support each other much more securely and safely commit. Without faith from both (must be both) you will turn against each other and be easily torn apart, unrepairible/ hopeless.  For this reason your style matching or meshing is important.

Style refers to a lot of different things: communication, life style, way of thinking, interest but mainly in communication. Communication is crucial in relaying needs and wants, expressing yourself and provides a level of joy that flows like water. At some point words unspoken are still communicated clearly without any need of explanation. Less questions needed, less words needed and more enjoyment can come from it even when you disagree, this is the most gracious goal. Communication on all fronts: body language, verbal or written, and intuitively (energy) working on the same wave. You can feel it, it is attractive and intoxicating regardless of the topic. Both can stand their ground by expressing their point of view without need of change in principal and are able to understand, appreciate and accept the differences.

Like watering a flower, communication (style) provides the needed life giving force for growth. (Philosophy) Comprise is like the soil providing foundation, minerals and a home for things to develop from… a safe and strong healthy starting point.  Lastly, faith (commitment) is like the sun. Providing everything needed to bind it all together, like hope and joy, even on the darkest day.



Humanity:The Downfall of Man

December 28 2014

I let go of a lot of things and I try my hardest not let the things of this world rule me or control me. I see father my many humanly downfalls but I try hard to not let them get the best of me. I wish to be a soldier for God but I feel like I have challenged myself by having connections to this world versus just being one individual connected to God.

Every day is a struggle to make sense of things, be one with God and to love like he does. God ask that we be fruitful and multiply and then I read the words spoken by Paul, who rightfully speaks on matters of love and being equally yoked or how it is better to marry than to burn. Ironically this statement is spoken to man as to encourage marriage but what people do not explain is how this section is under a stipulation or condition regarding lack of self-control. We do not have to marry if we have the ability to have self-control.

If we are unable to control our fleshly urges and cannot subdue the desires for connections and all other things that are momentary, what need is there for marriage. What is marriage but a union that focuses on the needs of another, can we truly love others without being torn. Nearly every day I question God about love and every day I am reminded, God loves us regardless of how we treat him, disregard him, disobey, ignore and/or disrespect him; he still provides us opportunity to come to him and remains here for us.

He loves us despite ourselves, despite how we completely just operate blindly thinking we know what we’re doing but really we know absolutely nothing. We have everything at our fingertips, constantly striving to have more and more, searching for answers about the Earth, space and everything else. Constantly naming and labeling things, moment, and times, yet in still God says there is nothing new under the sun. If this so then what really are we working for or towards better yet, who are we working for; the creator or the damner? We are so distracted, so concerned, so worried, so lost and chasing our tails we miss what could be just so simple.

I can understand why God gets mad at us and then punishes us, yet ironically we think why would this happen…? Consider Sodom and Gomorrah, was it not for Abraham negotiating for the righteous all those in the city would have been destroyed. Just as God doesn’t separate sin as greater or lesser he justly punishes all evenly by/for the sake of one, just as by the sacrifice of one God saves(d), all.  We question God as he tests our faith, but what right do we have to question God’s reasoning that which far exceeds our own comprehension. He provided us with a handbook on life, a guideline on what to do and what not to do, a historical collection to reference his great works and what happened as a result of disobedience. The biggest irony of all that we do in this world, with all the knowledge we have and all the idiocy we still ask what are we doing wrong or why is the world the way it is, yet we keep making the same mistake(s)… nothing new under the sun. Am I my brother’s keeper?

Even in our own lives we questions why things keep happening yet we keep doing the same things over and over again then getting mad at God, others or whatever, completely missing the lesson every time. We define insanity as being doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result, does this exact statement not define the whole world yet ironically we complain and normalize the unstable, continuous insanity.

Though I cannot speak of all religions or any specific sec of spiritual faith, what I can do, however, is question those who have opinions on matters they refuse to seek to even understand. Such as those who state they love God yet don’t seek after him (read his words), to know him, to respect him, obey him, pray to him, praise him, or actually show any signs of loving him. So many people say these things but we do the minimum to show two even care. We do more for the love of others then we do for the love of God, seek after so much here in the world, yet we complain and blame God for our shortcomings as though he’s responsible for the choice we make on our own. How? Do we not deserve some punishment, do we not see the millennium upon millennium of disrespect, dishonor, lies, and everything we do against God yet we complain for the moment of what we lose that was actually just borrowed in the first place, when we plead for things and then when we get then we forget the promises we made, we seek after things we don’t deserve and then complain as though we earned it.

What appreciation do we show God and yet still he lets us back in forgiven! Saved by his grace, did we really deserve it? All God ever truly asked is for us to love and respect him, follow a view rules that shouldn’t feel like rules at all because they are needed. If we really think about it all works to makes sure everyone is happy and taken care of equally yet we still can’t get it right. People ask, what is the meaning of life? Let’s find out… rather we believe in God or not, if the entire world followed the Ten Commandments without faltering at all, what do you think will happen? If we are able to take that further and follow what God says about love, down to a T, without any errors as a mass, what then would happen? And then if we take it even further and actually seek and search to understand and love God like we do when we love and want to work things out with others… and accept him as a whole, what then will happen?

Are we not responsible for ourselves? Up to a certain age we are completely responsible for our children because at some point they must begin to seek to understand things outside themselves versus just seeking to be loved. Though God has his chosen few to whom he’s opened their eyes to see the world for what it is, to live above the world and not of the world, not blaming but repenting, not begging but earning, not asking and expecting but actually seeking and getting. Things are so simple yet we as humans become so caught up with ourselves that we miss what is simple by complicating things.

So much can be said on the matter of God and Humanity, but what good is this if we are blind to our own shame most of the time and if man is too prideful to even see that they have nothing. Man truly feels entitled when they have earned nothing, or even demand everything but don’t give enough to receive a thing. Who are we to make claim to anything, we don’t even belong to ourselves? Freedom is an illusion and always will be for those who truly don’t know the power of its true will. We are owned by this world and yet claim the illusion of collecting as a right to through freedom. Do we not realize we are slaves to this world, to each other, to love, to even ourselves? We are our greatest downfall because we seek after the now, the tangible but not after what is truly which isn’t tangible at all, it is in the power of letting go, trusting, and letting God that we truly become free.



A New Day


Good morning,

Promise yourself that you will treat yourself with love and kindness. That you will provide the needed care and love for yourself, that you will never let any person take away your joy, your blessing, your will and your strength. Know that God supplies all your needs, not man, and you will be well reward for your services and blessings you give toward others. You deserve the greatest and upmost in heaven and in Earth, stay faithful and do not get swept up into the negatively that others may have. Watch your tongue as it can your enemy just as well as a gift. Be kind to those you know and those you don’t know, living with a giving heart. Sacrifice with a goal not in vain, suffering is an unavoidable reaction not a mandatory causality. If walking in peace, then peace with begat peace, if walking in anger and strife then know surely anger begat anger and strife begat strife.

Though things may go array, know that what you give you will receive; human error is inevitable because perfection does not exist in man. Act as though the unattainable goal of perfection is achievable but know that it’s not as to not become proud and boastful for your everything comes from God and him alone. Love with kindness, speak to everyone as though you were speaking with God and be humble as to not be conquered by yourself. Do has Jesus did on the journey through out nations, ministering a message of love and kindness, living in what you preach all the same.

If those around you love treat you unkindly or with little appreciation, let them be their own enemy and you walk in truth, kindness, do not stoop lowly as to peck like bird, but work upright and righteously without blemish. For if dabble in unclean things then you too become unclean and if you trouble yourself in unholy action then you too become unholy. Do not forsake your father who gives you mercy willingly, do not embarrass your father who boast joyfully in heaven on you, do not trouble your father with neediness and impatient for in due time (his time) the blessing within his will pour out more wondrously than your desires knew.

May Gods will be done again and again forever AMEN.

Blitz Battle to freedom


          Once hiding in the pocket, I’m now running at full speed. Rustling raising anger raging, I focus all my energy.
          My skin is crawling from trying to control my emotions. My frustrations have begun to come up in other ways: Infectious itchiness, boiling suppressed rage, confusion, headaches, insomnia, emotional outburst, and desperation.
My confidence is shattered. I am annoyed with myself once again and forcing an issue that need not be forced. I know when, where, how, but I don’t know what and more than ever, I don’t know why.
          The benefit of emotions is that they cannot tell a lie and cannot be considered wrong. No matter the misunderstanding or the reactions they are an honest reflection of a person’s understanding of a person, thing, or a situation; emotions are honest and always will be honest. This definitely isn’t to say they don’t overwhelm or confuse a situation, it’s just that the person involved is confused themselves, thus the reason why it’s a reflection. There is a truth in every lie, and though a lie may be told to us or to others, the truth is in the impulsive actions performed.
           In truth, by my actions, I became a fool, I didn’t listen and I ran blindly with clues flying right passed my head… and reflection caused me to think “what the hell is wrong with me”. Worrisome, defensive, emotionally out of control, and I don’t listen in the midst of this triple threat and strongly I thought, I am right. Wrong! Though emotions are an honest reflection of true feelings, in reality I cannot sanely justify my action.
            Finding need, panic and want in you…overwhelmingly emotionally driven, to spend time must be exhausting. I panic, increasing the problem, resentment and retreat, impulsively panic and pushing more and impulsive all the more. Scripture and soul searching says stop worrying Gods got it, keep on going, and keep your head up because things work out in the end. In faith it will work out, but human nature impulsively panics, fails and again messes things up all over again. Just dumb!
             Hein sight 22 and happily finally at peace, God provides clarity in the midst of the storm and strength in the midst of the battle. Thinking I was emotionally weak, thinking I was at a lost, I believe now I’m simply just free. I was sickly in love and not just love sick, I was lost in love and lost sight of myself. I found myself in my emotional turmoil, broken; I never knew heart break like I know it now, but looking back now… with all God’s grace he saved me from myself and oh how grateful I am to him that I am free. Thank God, thank God I’m free.
             He provide for me more then I knew was available, transformed my potential disaster into something more remarkable and anew.  But now, after months of losing myself and being broken, my God gave me peace and a new direction. With a smile upon my face, walking clear heart and clear mind, my Adonis appeared in his glory, standing tall transcending to his new heights. I smiled up in his direction and felt his gaze. And I knew he was mine, if I wanted, but instead I walked away. To my surprise moments later, glancing in my direction awaiting, was my Adonis, twice in one day he says and I smile. Thank God for new beginnings…

A letter to an unborn child…..

unborn child

I once took an ethics philosophy class that changed my thoughts on a lot of things. But, one in class assignment made me think of where I am, where I want to be and what I could share with the one person that would ever matter most in my entire life (my unborn child). She had us write a letter to our child (if we have or ever were to have a child). The letter was to include preventative advice, concerns and encouraging words for their future. I wrote it and I cried. She had us read it to ourselves and if you wanted to, volunteer it to the class. Today I find myself thinking about that class and how it touched me, and I wondered how many of you think or wish there was some sort of guide book or encouraging words that could have saved you. When I wrote mine, I wrote it as if I knew I wouldn’t make it through my child’s birth and I wanted to make sure my child knew me in some way because I wouldn’t make it to watch them grow. So, I challenge those of you who read this to think about it. If you were to ever have a child, what would you want your child to know and is your child worth a letter from you in guidance and care.

I have loved you with all my heart and soul. With every prayer I made, in them, I have kept you. I have thought long and hard and realized that there is only so many words that I can share, but I want to tell you, life is hard and loving is even harder. Before you could ever love another you must first love God and yourself, this is more important than anything else and he is more important than anyone else. Your dreams are more important to be gained than to be stopped, never stop dreaming. Failure is giving up on yourself, and you should try your hardest to never fail yourself because once you fail, it is much harder to reach anything more than your failure. If you are not sure if you are doing the right thing God will tell you. If you are not sure if he is telling you, the Devil reassure his words in opposite. Whenever you feel peer pressure and you are uneasy… walk away because you are worth a thousand times more than that situation. And if you are still not sure, a word of caution, it is much harder to quit something bad for you than something good. This is to say, the “good” is easier to quit and that is generally because it was the hardest to do or obtain and even more work to keep; like hand and foot the “bad” is easier to obtain but much harder to quit. So never start the bad and stick near to the good because perseverance is one of the greatest qualities a person can have, along with being humble. They are both characteristics of strength and of meaning; b true to you, people will respect you for it. Challenge yourself because the harder something is, that’s just how much more determined you should be, it is something good.
Remember above all, God put you here, not I, so above any put him first because just as easy as you got here, you can be taken away. Let it be known that he put you here, not I, so love him for that and he will shower you with more love than the world has ever known. No man on earth can love you more than he, remember that above everything. Once loving God, then loving yourself remember those around you because just as he put you here, he put them here so love them for being a part of his love, but trust no one. Some people are more dependable than others and most of them it depends on the time, so remember to trust no one. Love all but, trust no one. Your full faith can never be put solely in people because they are guaranteed to let you down and that you can trust in. Trust in God and yourself, these two will never let you down.
Lastly, if you are ever to fall in love, love them whole heartedly. The sign of love is the fear of letting go, but if you must, for growth sake let them go and let love have a chance to come back… there you will find true love. Be willing to share your thoughts with others, a person that loves you is thirsty for them, so let them drink. The person that loves you will respect you for them and will in inspire you all the more. Love is a great burden but things to remember, when it comes to love, it is not necessarily what it looks like but, what it does and doesn’t do. Remember people are free and they will exercise that right, so let them be, because silence is a gift not often given. Remember that you are also free, so your concern should be on you as well. A secret less practice and more preached is think before you speak, radical actions go the furthest, so be sure to mean what you say and do what you say especially when you say it or face the consequences of your actions. Be considerate of others, be clear in your intentions and actions, but know not everyone will do the same for you. In doing so your conscience will be clear and people will love and respect for your respect of them. Try your hardest to do this and live with as little regrets as possible, this combine with forgiving yourself and others when mistakes are made. For every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction this is a common law in nature. Remember it, so you would know to do the right thing and be mindful of what is a head. Everything comes in pairs and it is up to you to listen and make the right decision on which way to go, just remember, when it time, you must go!
I love you forever more and beyond myself,

Love Games


Your past image lingers in my mind of nights stole away by you and me. Your inspiring words, cripplingly my soul, combined with your touch, making me paralyzed. Surreal you are, my body quivered, those few nights you held me in your arms. Intangible now and as unreal as stories beginning with lion, tigers, and bear, the thoughts of your body causing fantasies ending with a invigorating Oh My! Thoughts running and racing and unreachable to the touch I hold dear to my charms and try my hardest to resist yours, and struggling deeply within myself. You feel as though I’m uninterested and in part I may have acted that way, but in truth I am like a lustful bee and you, sweet nectar, seemingly forever forbidden to me. I try to resist and you dangle overhead, dripping whatever particles you can without giving up too much of yourself. You say build my strength upon yours, when you are just as weak as I. You say I really, really like you and in truth I really like you too. Alas at a point when I became truly free, just as I thought you begin to resist me. Now longing for long talks I have no choice but to settle for what I get or nothing at all and just as I thought reality appears. To knowing I once said, too smooth I once spoke and now I get peaks of neither. Your feelings once shined like the sun on a cloudy day peeking here and there, completely understandable. Now that clouds have gone away, the sun refuses to shine like overcast on gloomy nights between winter and fall. Attention seeking, I’m left like a child watching the stars and wishing upon the moon. Teenage frustrations and Adult like confusion I settle it with forget about it. I let it go why bother myself with you if I’m not what you want, well then I guess we are through then you speak I missed you and I harden my heart inside how dare he say this and then ignore me! How dare you call me late waking me up only to get off because you’re tired! How dare you have so little respect for my feelings and then so boldly express yours like mine never mattered. The more your words become at opposite ends of your actions the more I pull away. My situation was understandable and you chose to pursue me despite my situation, lacking respect for my relationship, in truth how could I expect anything more from this. Now that I am free, it now becomes an ink blot of wanting what you can’t have for the sake of the hunt and denying what you can for the sake of ease (My dilemma. I’m growing tired of these games; I am no man’s toy. And if you truly seek something speak your piece clearly and show it and if not speak your piece and be done.

Positive Redirection


Sometime I wonder if it’s just me or is there just a lack of integrity, but a higher demand for respect. It’s frustrating to me knowing that the ratio of integrity to respect is highly important, the more integrity you have the more respect you have. People demand respect without knowledge, that it is their lack of integrity that goes against them, not people. That’s why respect is not given it’s earned. You can’t demand respect from people, that’s not true respect. But, if you gain integrity, do what’s right because it right regardless of who knows or what someone tells you, that gets you respect. I also think that the balance between an adult and a teenager it isn’t maturity because what is maturity anyway? But, consider again integrity and in this case responsibility. Because you hold yourself to a higher standard you hold yourself accountable and are responsible for yourself without demand. People cannot redirect you if you already redirect yourself and if they do, in most cases it will be because of their standards and not your own, and you “should” respect that. However, in most cases a person doesn’t know how to give respect because they don’t respect themselves, how then would you teach this person respect? Of course, you can’t teach a person respect just like you can’t demand a person to give you respect, you just do what’s right (integrity) without regard to them (demonstration) and encourage them (positive regard).
Teenagers are a tricky sort, it’s them against the world, but with a little encouragement and you standing your ground, they respect you. They hold you to a higher standard, sometimes higher then you hold yourself and if you wait, they may even model your behavior. I think about positive redirection, some people call it constructive criticism; the only problem with that is most people don’t give that right and it comes off as judgmental instead of constructive. But, with what I call positive redirection, you point out a person’s great characteristics and combat the obvious contradictory of their current behavior against it. For instant once upon a time I taught a preschool class. There was this little girl in this class and she wouldn’t listen to anyone, horribly spoiled and had the whiniest voice ever. One day I got fed up and I asked her “what do you want to be when you grow up?” She said “A cheerleader”. I asked “Now to become a cheerleader what do you need to first learn how to do?” She said I don’t know. I told her “you must first learn to listen and when you learn to listen and it’s time to become a cheerleader, then you can be the best cheerleader ever. Would you like to be the best?” She of course, said “Yes” I said “then let’s test it, I’m going to need a big helper prove that you can be a good listener and I’ll make you my big helper.” She of course wanted to be my big helper right away and threw a fit and I told her no every day until she listened. The day she earned her title of big helper she was so excited I told her “now you’re one step closer to being the best.”
Ironically, the other kids must have been listening too because it worked not just for her but my whole class, they all wanted to be my big helper. In some cases they would get upset but we went over sharing and integrity, I also made it slightly competitive, whoever was the best the day before and can be my big helper the next day. Eventually I made them all my big helper because they realized without the title they could just help each other, they learned integrity / accountability and that was a reward in itself.
My point in telling this story is somewhere along the line we lose sight of given positives to people and teaching them along the way. We lose our cheerleaders and we also forget to cheer for ourselves. There’s nothing wrong with positively encouraging people, the only problem is how do we encourage ourselves? I say if you set your standards, have integrity, you gain respect, and stand firm, people will naturally want to encourage you because they respect you. The rarity finding people that do encouraged you despite having any of that, but that’s another blog… in due time.